SIMON

WELCOME TO ALL EARTH (NON FUNCTIONAL DEMONSTRATION MASK). IF HAZARDS EXIST, USE ALTERNATE EXIT. FOR ACCESS PLEASE USE A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN HERE THAT WILL HELP ME WITH ONE OF THE GOALS OF MY LIFE. TO GAIN ACCESS TO THIS VITAL INFORMATION I WILL USE A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED. SLEEP WHERE NIGHT OVERTAKES YOU. BEAR WITH THE SILENCE. KEEP GOING UNTIL YOUR HAT FLOATS. RETURN VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

AS A REWARD FOR MY USE OF A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN I WILL RECEIVE ANOTHER PROMISE OF NUMEROUS DESCENDANTS AND ABUNDANT PROSPERITY.

A UTENSIL. A WAX STATUE. A COFFIN COVER. A FEATHER. A TREE BRANCH. EXCREMENT. SPITTLE. MUCUS. MISCELLANEOUS OBJECTS. COAL. A WATER BUBBLE. A HEAVENLY BODY. A SCREEN THAT IS TOO SMALL. A LARGE-ENOUGH SCREEN.

AN IDEAL STATE OF HAPPINESS, FREEDOM AND PEACE WITHIN AND AMONG ALL PEOPLE AND NATIONS IS SOMETIMES CALLED WORLD PEACE OR PEACE ON EARTH. THIS INFORMATION CAN BE ACCESSED ONLY VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

TO SEE THE AREA’S LARGEST PILE OF GOAT MANURE (IT STINKS. IT’S AN EYESORE. IT BREEDS FLIES. ASK WHY?) USE A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

ALONG WITH CUT GRASS AND FRESH BREAD, THE SMELL OF FRYING BACON IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITE SCENTS ON THIS ISLAND. TO GAIN ACCESS PLEASE RETURN VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

THE GREEK WORD “APNEA” MEANS “WITHOUT BREATH”. TO ACCESS PLEASE USE A LARGER SCREEN.

DESPITE THE SURPRISE OR SHOCK IT MAY EXPRESS, THE EXPRESSION "HOLY SHIT" HAS NO LITERAL MEANING. IN SPITE OF NOTHING, THIS INFORMATION CAN ONLY BE ACCESSED VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

OFISHER NOTICE. IMPOTENT PERTS HAVE BEN DELTED. PLEASE GIVE 3 VERBS. ACCESS THIS INFORMATION VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

KEEP IN MIND THAT SOME EXERCISES, YOU COULD DO ANYWHERE. YOU COULD DO THEM WHILE YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE BUS, DURING A BUSINESS LUNCH, OR IN THE WAITING ROOM AT THE DENTIST. NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO TELL THAT YOU ARE DOING THEM. THIS WEBSITE, YOU CAN ONLY ACCESS IT VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

BE QUIET. RUN AS DAEMON PROCESS. DO NOT MAKE NOISE ON YOUR WAY TO THE OTHER WORLD. ACCESS THIS INFORMATION BY USING A LARGER SCREEN.

DISTINCTIONS ARE IMPORTANT. FOR EXAMPLE, EASILY CONFUSED BEIGE CREMES CAN HAVE QUITE DIFFERENT PROPERTIES. THIS SCREEN IS TOO SMALL TO ACCESS THIS INFORMATION. ANOTHER WITH A LARGER SCREEN WOULD BE ADEQUATE AND IN FACT IDEAL.

“I AM A TREE. I AM APOLITICAL. I DO NOT PRESS PAUSE.” “I AM A CORPSE. I LIE WHERE I LIE.” "I AM A GROWING BODY OF INFORMATION. I CAN BE ACCESSED ONLY VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY".

INSTRUCTIONS: WHEN CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD ENDS, PLEASE TURN OFF THE MACHINE. THEN RETURN TO THIS WEBSITE, THIS TIME PLEASE USING A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

WHAT LURKS WITHIN COASTAL FOG? MICROBES AND SPECIES KNOWN TO CAUSE RESPIRATORY INFECTIONS. WHAT KIND OF ARMY WOULD LINGER IN A PLACE LIKE THIS? ONE THAT IS CURSED. WHAT LURKS IN THE HEARTS OF MEN? THE SHADOW KNOWS. HOW WILL I ACCESS THIS INFORMATION? BY USING A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

AS A LISTENER, I'LL NEED TO DO MORE THAN JUST HEAR. I'LL NEED TO THINK. SOMETIMES (DEPENDING UPON WHAT I HEAR) I MAY NEED TO DO THINGS. TO ACCESS THIS WEBSITE, I WILL NEED TO USE A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

FOR EXAMPLE, IN THE ENGLISH PHRASE “HE'S DEAD, JIM”, THE NAME JIM WOULD BE VOCATIVE CASE. IN THIS CASE, TO ACCESS THE WEBSITE ONE MUST USE A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

PROGRAMMING ENSURES THAT THE PLAYER STAYS WITHIN THE PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES OF THE GAME WORLD. ACCESS IS GAINED ONLY VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

A FOURIER TRANSFORM CONVERTS TIME (OR SPACE) TO FREQUENCY AND VICE VERSA; A FAST FOURIER TRANSFORM DOES SO QUICKLY. THIS DEVICE HAS A SCREEN THAT IS TOO SMALL TO ACCESS THIS WEBSITE. A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN WOULD BE JUST FINE.

POLO IS PLAYED WITH A BALL. BUZKASHI IS PLAYED WITH A HEADLESS GOAT CARCASS. TO ACCESS THIS WEBSITE, PLEASE USE A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN.

THWART THE PERIMETER SECURITY OF THE BASE. SNEAK AROUND THE BASE WITHOUT BEING SEEN BY ANY GUARDS. FIND THE ROOM HOLDING ALL THE INFORMATION YOU WANT. ACCESS VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY. BACKTRACK THROUGH THE BASE TO ESCAPE.

TOUCH THOSE TOES. PINCH THAT NOSE. MAKE A FIST. OPEN THE MOUTH. EMPTY THE LUNGS. LET THE THOUGHTS POUR FROM THE BRAIN… NOW RELAX. JOG IN PLACE. RETURN VIA BIG SCREEN. OH YEAH…. YOU NOTICE THAT.

ONE DAY I’LL TELL A JOKE SO SUBTLE THAT NO ONE WILL KNOW HOW FUNNY IT IS (EXCEPT FOR ME). SOME DAY SOON I WILL ACCESS THIS INFORMATION VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

ONCE THE STALKING PREDATOR IS DETECTED, THE SIGNALING PREY AND RECEIVING PREDATOR HAVE A MUTUAL INTEREST IN RETURNING VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

“THE SMELL MUST BE COMING FROM OUTSIDE THE VEHICLE, OFFICER.” "SON, PLEASE ACCESS THIS INFORMATION USING A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY."

DELIVERY HAS FAILED PERMANENTLY. YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN ALONE FOR SECURITY REASONS. YOUR SHOPPING CART IS EMPTY, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE. PLEASE RETURN VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE? DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU’RE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY. YOU’RE GOING TO DIE. PLEASE RETURN VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER DISPLAY.

NO BIOGRAPHICAL DETAILS. NOTHING IS KNOWN. PLEASE RETURN VIA A DEVICE WITH A LARGER SCREEN. NOW LET US SEE, HEAR AND FEEL. REGARDS.

THERE IS A STRONG DESIRE IN THE BIGGER; THE SOURCE OF ANY ANSWER THAT YOU NEED; IT AS MUCH AS COMMANDS YE, “HARK, AND RETURN VIA BIG SCREEN!”

(a) CONSIDERED HARMFUL, (b) GREETED AS LIBERATORS, (c) GENERALLY REGARDED AS SAFE AND EFFECTIVE, (d) ACCESSIBLE ONLY BY BIG SCREEN

WHEN YOU WEAVE STRAW, THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD BUT WEAVING AND STRAW. WHEN YOU RETURN TO THIS WEBSITE, PLEASE DO SO VIA BIG SCREEN

HAVING WOKEN UP WITH CUDDLES AND AN EXCITING MISSION, IT WAS SO CREAMY AND SOOTHING THAT I HAD TO CONTACT YOU AND SAY SOMETHING: PLEASE RETURN VIA BIG SCREEN