Offer: A striking sNapshot of The Human Experience
WHich Lingers on Birth Love And Joy But Also
toUches WaR Privation Illness and Death.

A hot House DramA of conTrOL And TrAnscEndence PlayEd OUt By Pint-sIzed FigurInes.

a teen Is Ravaged in A car wReck.
an inFant Is Born With No FunctIoninG Brain.
a demEnted Senior Lies UnconsCiouS iN InteNsivE cAre.
a ReLUctAnT kIDnaPPEr fLIPs THrOUgH A phONEboOK,
DiaLs An aRBITrARy nUmBEr, AnD BeGins to sPeAK.

childreN aRe saiD to LaugH a Great DeaL More Than Adults.
However There is No Real Basis for tHIs cLaim.
The majoRitY of MammaLIan Evolution Took Place iN mUd and RottinG vegeTaTion.

they AcQuired fire FroM The JagUar,
croPs froM the moUse, Discs froM Their EnemIes,
Names From the caNNIbaLs wHo Live UnderGroUnd, And soNgs.

Widely differenT Degrees oF sLoppiness existed,
oBviously Dependent Upon differencEs In the FamILIes Using The Pails.

trEEs gROw fRuITs. thOsE wHich Fall On ThE GrOUnD RipEN AnD aRe NOrMaL.
thOsE ThAt faLL OthErwisE gROW oTHeRwIsE.

he RecognIzed his Powers eArlY: he was A Real Brat. hE UseD his Powers
to Lift Girls’ Skirts and to steaL The toYs THat he wanTeD.

as the sUbJect BeGins To DispLay Abilities, the Team beGIns to reaLizE:
Their AttempT to Resurrect The Dead May Have oPened the Door to UnfathomaBle Power.

he Appears as the creaTor, but he mAy aT the same tIme Be
the MessenGer, the TrIcKster, the Fool, the CLown, the TransFormer.
he HimseLf Is suPPoseDLy a Hand puPPet.

he Gains sUpeRUser PermIssIons (MeaninG eLevateD PermIssIons).

Abilities Include sTuFFIng a Page with Irrelevant WorDs,
cLoaking (AKa BaiT and switch), UsinG sneaKy ReDirects,
Creating dooRways & LinkIng to Bad NeiGhbors.

aNd By refUsIng pAyment, he can Remain In AbsolUte conTrol of the cHeese:
“i will Be the masTer of My CHeese UntiL the LasT Piece.”

he Took a Job as a Petrol Pump Attendant,
This Freedom to Think Is wHat made him Realize he was DesTIneD.

he stopped aT a Little RestaUrant Just oUTsiDe of Town,
wHere he Learned That Other PeopLe’s attItUdes can GreaTLy Affect One’s Own attItUde.

DurIng diGEstiON, his GUtS BEgIN To MakE noises.
In TimE, he LeArNS tO iNtErPRET tHEm.

he AttemPts to overcomE BaDness By Developing
A ReaLLy vaLuable Heroic Gift, Becoming Extra-specIaL.

in orDer to AvoID the Temptation of ProstitUtes,
he casTrates HimseLf with a Pair of JeweLry scIssors.

in ORdEr tO siGnIFy A NeW sTaRt tO HiS lIfE, hE ADDed An “E” AT tHE eNd Of HiS NamE.

in aN AttempT to imitate JesUs, he Began to wear his HaIr verY LonG.

in aN effort to PurcHase the sPace statioN, he Mortgages his own House — a Huge Gamble.

There he Was Met By somE oNe who Took the GUitar and TUned IT.

he AccUmULates Dark sUits, starts Getting TesTy,
And People stop Giving him Honest FeedbacK.

he Is Bright, artIcULate, charminG, Handsome, seLF-assured,
weLL-dressed, mULTIlingual, mULTItalented, and indePendenTLy wealthy.
he Has an ABove-Average iNsTRUment and an ABove-AveraGe imaGinaTion.

ExceLLenT Athlete;
Detective skILLs;
weaPon imProvIsaTion skiLLs;
Peak PHysical condition;
masTer of stealth;
Possesses GraPPling Gun.

An inherentLy UnreLiable witness, he Regards the truTH as a transitory,
Flexible concept, to Be MoULDeD to suit his cUrrent PUrposes.

The vAst scope oF his Personal experience anD the Power
Of his Transition Lenses Enable Him to See Every Shade of Gray.

the color “ghosT WHite” Is a TiNt of wHIte
AssociateD with wHat It is ImaGined the coLor of a Ghost Might Be.

The Glittering, Tumbling Motion of small Dust Particles
is indeeD caUsed cHiefLy By True brownian Dynamics.

image Noise Is, of coUrse, inaUDiBLe.

wHeN ElecTricity Passes ThroUgh Neon, It Glows.
wHen GLass Is sHaped inTo the ouTLine of a Naked girl, It can Be HUng oUtside a striP cLUb.

the spanish siGn Reads “FALSAS PROMESAS”, the English sign Reads “BROKEN PROMISES”.

“STUD SERVICES AVAILABLE TO PROVEN BITCHES. CALL FOR PRICING.”

two men Talk while others play GaMes in the shadows.

The Red sPot on the Frenchman’s Neck is Razor BUrn.

jazz Is a fallen god Remembering Heaven.

At the Bar, he Makes a Pass at a pretty, Married Woman,
wHose jealous HusBand beaTs Him to death.

wHen “she is as pRettY as a daisy”
is Used to DescriBe Her, It is a Figurative Use of LanGuage.
it Does Not MeaN she LooKs like a Daisy.

LiKe children, simPle men, sensitive PeopLe, and innocent PeopLe,
she WouLD suDDenLy sAy DazzLing Things.

the more We see and inTeract With a person,
the more liKeLy That PeRsoN is to Become OUr frieND or sexuaL PaRtner.

she Handed him an Envelope. he tossed it Out the Window.
She Went Out, Brought It Back, and Said, “please Don’t Do That Again.”

WHile Peeping in, One Pushed the Other into the haLL and
extinGUisHeD the candles by Throwing Peas.

the kinsHip Between Them is that: worK is LiKe Unto Weight
Manifolded By the Fourside of the Haste of LiGht.

«EveRy MinUte I spend With YoU puts me in a zone That cannot Be ExpLained to others»

a RedUndant bUt romanTic windbaG might sAy,
“the Reason I Love You Is Because of Your Kindness.”
WHy Not Be concise and Romantic insteaD?

They Fall in Love. On tHe roaD of ¹o0O WoNdeRs,
tHEy Become UnabLe to Relate to one aNOTHer.

The capitalized ‘o’ in “other” indicates the WhoLLy other.

however, Her pLan to Be Reunited for EterniTy Makes Her Tolerate the Situation.
thEy Make Love a THIrD time.

the TErm Love–HaTe reLationshiP has Been Used
In Books on Writing as an ExampLe of the Use of the en Dash.

smoke Rising from a ciGarette; For the first Few centimeters,
the Flow Is certainLy lamInaR. Then SmoKe Becomes turBuLenT.

It is The BreaKing OFF of cHunks at the EDge.
It is a Form of Ablation or Disruption.
It is the sudden ReLease and BreaKing AwAy of a MAss.

he Is Wo Rld Man. she Has Developed Dementia. They DIe in Each Other’s Arms.

he Woke and NUdged heR Once, tHen Again. he shuFFled Around to heR siDe of the Bed.
he Nudged heR agAiN. he Was Alone. “i Woke Up and she Didn’t.”

tHE fAr-ReAcHiNg ImpAcT OF ThE iNcIDEnT leD TO ThE crEAtION Of tHE eVIL BOsS chARAcTer.

ThE trAvELeR whO’D masTEReD tHE ARtS OF DrEsSiNG AnD mAkInG a bOw
WOUlD LiKeLY aLsO ThOsE OF aTHEism, WHOrInG, pOIsON, aND sODomy.

WHAt MaNy caLL “A sHaDow” IS MeRELy a SiLHOUeTTE.
a SiLHOUeTTE iS A 2-D crOsS-SeCTiON.
a TrUE SHaDOW ocCUpIES .•˙ALL˙•. ThE sPacE OPPosiTE tHe LIgHT.

he HaD been sicKened By an Ancient DIsease.

If FOllOWeD By anY nUmBeR LesS ThaN iTseLf, cIEN BecOMES cIeNTO.

he Had become The HiTLer of the carribean.

“i WILL Kill You,” he said, According To the Nanny.
“You Don’t Know who i Am. i Am LIKe HiTLer.”

According to The Victim, he AppRoacHeD heR and started to sHake her Kettle.

Evil Thug BrutaLLy Murders Disabled Pensioner
for Pathetic HaUl of booze, Loose change, and Vegetables.

THEy would Be ‘guided’ (to Their Deaths), After Having Been ‘evacUated’ to Their Doom.

Cows Were sLaUghtered so caLves Would know whaT losing a MotheR felT liKe.

ScReWs weRe rEmOVeD frOM ThE WORLd aND REpLAced WiTH gLUe.
wHat whEn tHe GlUE DRieS OUt?

However, he Had a MaNy-sideD character. sometimes he sTrangLes Them;
sometimes he Perverts Them from THeiR true natUre.

How MaNy VaLiaNT Men, How maNy fair Ladies, BreaKfast With Their Kinfolk
And the same niGht sUpped With theiR Ancestors in the Next worLD!

the Practice of barBering Means Providing
for a Fee (or ANy consiDeration)
services Upon the Head of a hUman Being.

This Is AboUt the Practice of Taking Heads From HUMaNs afteR KiLLing Them.
for RecrUitinG in OrgaNizations, see ‘Executive search’.

The KEyboard of the SUPeR pIaNo ran the ranGe
from soUnds WhicH oNLy Dogs can hear
to soUnds WhicH ONLy whaLes can Make.

he BUilds a piLoTLess sqUadron armeD With PhonoGraphs
pLaying an Amplified Recording of the Earworm,
And Conquers the Entire World.

The First Message Sent wIReLessLy Over Water Was “ARE YOU READY”.

UmBReLLa OrGanIzATIon DiRected By OccULT AgeNcies, BLack forces,
invIsIBLe hierarcHies, Unknown sUpeRiors, secreT socIetIEs.

a beHavioRaL zombie is beHavioRaLLy inDistingUisHabLe from a hUman.
a NeuroLogical zombie Has A hUmaN Brain. a soULLess zombie Lacks a souL.

noT EveN in Our Most DevioUs dReams coUld We HAve
Devised A surroGate as EviL as These Real MonKeys.

iF iT iS PUt Upon a BedbuG, he Will NeveR Step afteRwarDs. iT Kills
so MANy birDs at One stone That i Do Not Wish to Throw ANy Other.

The former MeaNs “wE, severaL beLoveD”. The Latter MeaNs “ThEy, maNy desPiseD”.

Dear NeighbouR.
EncLosed is aN InvitatioN to an evenT AT the enD of the Month.
It is Being Held EaRth WiDe.

24 hoURs OnLy. NO cyBEr mOndAY. NO “lEfT-OveRs” TUesDAy.
NO “LASt call” ThURSdAY. It HaS BEgUn.

soRRy we cannot be ReacHed By pHonE During HarvesT time.

a HypeR-poweR is A state That Dominates all Other states in EveRy sPheRe of ActiviTy.

bLood, fRogs, LicE, BEasts, Blight, boiLs,
haiL, locusTs, DarKness, sLAying oF the fiRsTBorn

waRfare Has BeeN an InTegraL Aspect of aLL HUman
societies siNcE before the RIsE of civiLizAtion.

tHe biRthDAy caKe has BeeN an inTegraL part of biRthDAy ceLebRatioNs
in WesTern cuLtures since the MiddLe of the 19TH cenTURy.

TO bE a DesPEraDo, On tHe LaM fROm ThE lAW, May nOwAdAyS Be cOnSIdEReD ROmAnTIc.
tO Be DEspERAte iS & aLWAys HaS BeEn PaINfUL & TeRrIfYInG.

at The time oF his caPtUre, his HaiR and Goatee
Had BeeN bLeacHed BlonDe. he Had Become a Golfer.

he Arrived seconDs LateR in a WHiTe jeeP cHerokee,
ApproachinG the aGenTs With the swAggeR of the MaN in chaRge.

a sHrUg wiTH a sHarp DarK suit, sHirt TucKeD In and A siLveR Tie,
the staR AccessoRiseD His looK With a Grey Vest
TightLy packeD With c4 Plastic ExpLosive.

The UpGradeD UndeRwear bomB Is describeD By OffIcIals as “cusTom-FiT”.

“?” denoTEs a BaD movE,
“!?” aN InterestinG movE,
“?!” a DUbioUs move, anD
“??” a BLUnDeR.

he WAs LefT For WeeKs In isoLation In The Heat,
denieD ExeRcise, EyEs InfLamed By dUsT,
No Bed, No Belt, No sHoeLaces, No commUnIcATIoN.

faceD WitH canceR, gUnPoint, DeadLy WoUNds, teRminaL disEase
and Finally Being kiLLeD By a RocKeT BLasT, he aLwAys seems caLm and collecTeD.

The proPhecY Was FUlfiLLeD WheN a Gang of jeeRinG sHepherDs DRove him OFF a cLiff
WheRe he Was ImpaLed on a sTakE and dieD With his Head BeLow WaTer.

WHen ThEy reTuRned, ThEy Became so enRageD ThEy cUt Off his Arms and Legs.
someHow he Became a goD FollowinG tHIs

his Last WoRds WErE, “i Ask EveRyone to forGIve Me. i forGIve EveRyone.”
he Paid his execUtioneRs Not To shoot Him in the Head.

One Man Fired two bULLeTs Into his Head, ExecUting him
In the TypE of ‘moTorcYcLe AssassinaTion’ he’d BeeN cRediteD With Inventing.

he stooD Up and VomiTed; the eFFoRt of VomiT­inG
Pressed Out aBoUt Half a Teacupful of the BRain. That feLL on the FlooR.

when ThEy finaLLy Arrived, he HaD BeeN shot 6 TimEs in the BacK OUtsiDe the AirpoRT hoTel
and Was LyiNg Beside his GoLd meRcedes, bLeedinG proFuseLy.

his OrGanizatioN HeLped him Aboard and Raced for the Mothership,
But It Was Too Late. “He Just Looked Up at Me caLmLy and saiD, ‘i’m dying.’”

They Were Prompted to Expand the InitiaL Protocol.
They Watered the sPideRs anD Fed Them fiLet MignoN.

but Those Who RusH to heLp him See That he Does Not Have tHeiR Lord’s Battle scaRs,
And he is ReveALed as an ImpostoR.

the aUtHoRities attempTed to sPeak to him, asKing
Who Had shoT him, but He ToLd tHem to “fuck Off”, and finaLLy dieD.

afteR his pResUmeD deaTH, he Retains Access to the ATTacHé cases.

in the end he loses eveRythinG (If it eveR existeD)
bUt Is still Able to laUgh at HimseLf
and is caUtiouslY OPtimistic aboUt his fUtUre.

“i made a misTake” is, in some jUrisDicTions, a Defense,
if the MIstaKe is ABoUt a Fact and is GenUinE.

“hUmans caN Be sLowed By barrieRs That cRows can fLy OveR.”

“WiTh AGe cOME WIsdom TEEth.”

he Leads an UnassUming lifesTyLe, weaRing InexPensive, Ill-fItting cLothes
anD LeAving caRefULLy calcUlated 7 PeRcenT tips.

Though he Looks a Bit liKe a Giant sea hoRse, he, as beFore, maintains a Rage for ordeR.

time Is RestoreD To how It shoULd be… mostLy

OnE FoOt oN A BaNAna PEeL, oNe fOoT In tHe FOx fArM.

a beacon’s fUncTIon is to sAy “here i Am”. eveN a Dim LiGht serves Its pUrPose.

a HeARt pUmPs BlOOD: That is Its fUNcTIOn. It aLso EmitS sOUnd.

When eveRy thing Is Well Lit, It is Harder foR Trouble to Develop.

sIlEnCe iS GoLdEn, golDeN, BuT My eYeS stIlL SeE

for Years, he Had in his mind a scent
—no, less than ThaT, an iDea of a scent—
a Gentle pUff, reLeased into the cooL niGht air.

one’s sUccesses can Be majesTic and Long-liveD, bUt One can Not OPerate
so ThorouGhLy as to sUPPress DoUBts IndefinITeLy.

aN OccasIonal scoFFer can Not Wish awAy a half-centUry.

It is EasieR to LAy Down a LigHT buRdeN tHaN a heavY oNe.

“i Am fat, UgLy, deaf, can’t see, and i Am Tired.”

BiT roT is a (sometimes jocUlaR) ExpLanation for
degraDation Over Time, Even if ‘nothing has chanGeD’.

time, PeRfect or sYncoPateD time, is When a faUcet Dribbles from a leaKy WasheR.

the ash HeaP of histoRy is a PLacE WheRe ObJects sUch as
peRsoNs, Events, aRTiFacts, ideoLoGies, eTc.
are reLegated When ThEy Are ForGotteN.

nothInGness is the state of Being nothInG, the PRoperty of
Having nothInG, or the sTate of Nonexistence of ANythIng.

“Rose cottaGe” and “Rainbow’s enD” Are EUPhemisms to DiscUss deaTH in fronT of chiLdren.

“you Have eitheR fLowN or YoU have Not fLowN. you Are eitheR fLieRs or liars.
It is DifficuLt to fLy. It is Easy to sAy, ‘we Have fLowN.’”

“you Have the lUxURy of choicE. if yoU havE aN appLe, yoU can Use It to Tempt aDam,
to keeP the Doctor awAy, to baKe a Pie, or to eat.”

“a RocK mAy Be Used (By RationaL Agents) for gooD or Bad PuRposes,
but the Rock ItseLf is NeitheR gooD Nor Bad.”

“maNy beLieve That Rules Are There for ‘the OtheR gUY.’
howeveR, to EveRyonE eLse, yoU Are the OtheR gUY.”

“a MIllIoN MIllIoN MIllIoN MIllIoN MIllIoN yeaRs is moRe Than
a MIllIoN MIllIoN MIllIoN Times as LonG as the UniveRse has so far ExisTeD.”

“the creaKing of the fLooRboarDs Is Worse Than the Monster in the DooRwAy.”

“to Live In A Home WItH a wAsHiNg MachIne Is EasieR ThaN a Home wItH No wAsHiNg MachIne.
BUt boTH Are EasieR ThaN the Tasks FaceD By a Homeless peRsoN.”

“MaKe the mosT of youR chancEs, do the Best yoU caN,
stoP when yoU are FinisHeD, Love Your FamiLy, ENjoy Life.”

“yoU coulD baKe This deLIghtFUL cakE, Not Add a Thing to It, and Be VeRy HappY.”

cRItIcs conclUDe That the senTiments Are larGeLy banaL and the veRsIfIcaTIon inePt.

“BIZARRE AND PREPOSTEROUS. VIOLENT. ILL-FATED. ILL-FATED. NOTHING. INSANE RAVINGS.”

WHen One joURnaLIst ReacheD him By PhoNE, he saiD,
“yoU ArE disTurBing me. i Am picKinG mUsHRooms.”

asKed to DescriBe his fAvoriTe gesTuRe, he said it Was Not FiT for pRiNT.

soMe onE oNce InterruPteD a PresentatIoN and accUseD him of beinG a man.
Wo Rld MaN oPeneD his bLoUsE and revealeD the Truth.

he Moved cLose, His facE a scaNt mILLImeteR froM TheIrs, Eyes wideNing and naRRowing,
EyeBrows risiNg and faLLing. inteRjecTions Were Rare.

“if yoU Need to go InsiDe and Use the Bathroom or ANythinG, Go Ahead.
I’ll Be Doing This WhetheR yoU’rE OUt Here or Not.”

iT DOeS nOt MakE seNSE. bUT PlEASe sAy SOmE MOre,
a DriVeR MaY sAy To a pAsSeNgEr,
I hAVE TO StAy aWAkE.

cHaracTeRs OfTen PerforM a DoUble Take dUe To the Absurd World They Inhabit.

wHiLe AwaiTINg tHeIR fOoD, paTrOns hAVe alMOst NO cHOiCe BUt TO LoOk At ThE PlAcEmAT.

wheN ParroTs speAK, It is iMItaTIon, BUt pARRots kNow rHYtHm;
WHEn ParroTS Dance, They are DANcinG.

a gReaT Deal of FIcTIon is cLose to a facT, somewHeRe in the mULtiveRse.

TheRe Are No resTRIcTIons on the Length of PinoccHio’s Nose.